I am a pretty good observer and my sensitivity keeps me well in touch (too well often, haha) with my own feelings/emotions. Even as a teenager, I’ve been somewhat obsessed with suffering — raised Catholic, it was very much a part of the mass’s teachings and my family went to church almost every week. So in those formative years, I couldn’t ignore it.

As I age, I study suffering more in an effort to help and because things often get more complicated as you go in life. I am dealing with some pretty big changes so healthy relief and relaxation are the most valued things at the moment. I’ve picked up on a few things in the last year that I wanted to share that hopefully help. Conflict becomes uncomfortable and painful when guilt is involved. Catholicism talks a lot about forgiveness and sin. Guilt is a part of that. I do think there would be less painful fighting if each person was more understanding of why they did something that made them feel badly and not be too hard on themselves. A balanced, compassionate approach to mistakes can help them from becoming bigger and more dangerous.

You can nurture and still be cool.

What happened to the calm, yet powerful nurturing archetype in our culture? Were they ever really there? Perhaps we should create one. And there is the operative word — “CREATE”. (You don’t need to consider yourself an artist of any kind to create of course.) When we are creating, we are a bit outside of ourselves and we feel good. Even if you are watching a good show, you are involved in some co-creating I think because you’re outside of yourself, involved in the characters, asking questions in your mind, tracking the plot. This connection helps so much. Love flows through us and we become part of something bigger that is powerful and benign.

At some point we are going to experience and receive news about ourselves and others that is overwhelming. I recommend surrender with your power. Meaning, see what happens when you say, “screw it, what will happen will happen and I’m not going to indulge in imagining the worst case scenario over and over again.”

I leave you with a quote from Newt Scamander, “My philosophy is if you worry, you suffer twice.”